Posts filed under 'living abroad'
Tod and I arrived back home in New Hampshire in the wee hours of June 23. Turbulence over the pacific and thunderstorms over New England made for rough flights and various delays. But we, and now our luggage, are safe at home, and we are re-adapting to life together in the USA.
As I expected, “culture shock” has me quite off-balance. At the airport in Chicago, I automatically used Korean for the basic daily phrases like “Excuse me” and “Thank you”. I also used the hand gestures that are standard politeness in Korea. I was surprised how automatic these had become. Also, many small things simply feel “wrong”. Spoons are too short and narrow; in Korea there are only soup spoons and they have quite long handles. Bathrooms sinks are too high; I had gotten used to them being just above my knees. Today I drove a car for the first time in 10 months. I found I was far more apprehensive than I expected. All of these will pass.
Since I am home and safe, I will post only one more blog entry after this. Thank you to all of you who have read these postings regularly or on occasion. Special thanks to those of you who sent thoughts and encouragement during my time away. I have really appreciated having this space where I could process my experiences, share them with others, and feel part of a community of enthusiastic supporters.
Here is one short story from my last week in Korea. Eight days before I left, Tod and I climbed Baegundae Peak on Mount Bukhansan. I had climbed everything EXCEPT the peak in early October (see blog entry titled “Lessons Learned in Bukhansan National Park”). The peak was too much for me - you pulled yourself up on steel cables, with nothing between you and the ground except a stunning view. I had been, and still am, proud that I managed to get to the mountain and find the peak, with minimal Korean and no map, only one month after I arrived; that I could not climb the peak was not a big deal. But this time, with Tod along to encourage and cajole me, I had the courage to actually scale the peak. The view was spectacular and the sense of accomplishment was even better.
As always, life is easier and better with help along the way.
June 24, 2008
My adventure in Korea is almost over. In just over one week I will be back in the U.S. I still have two finals to give and grades to turn in. And my husband is coming, so I will be grading those finals on a tropical beach! But the end is rapidly approaching.
Many travelers suggest that one should prepare to come home much the way one prepares to go away. Beyond buying the tickets and packing, one should think about unpacking and settling back into a place that may not quite feel like home. “Reverse” culture shock is the realization that neither you nor the world are the same as when you left.
That comes as no surprise to me. During my time in Korea, two relatives were diagnosed with cancer, and one broke two bones. Friends got new jobs and colleagues got pregnant. Students graduated, new faculty were hired, staff moved on. Plants in my house and my garden died. My cats have probably forgotten who I am.
Of course I have changed too. What I “usually” do or what is “normal” to eat or what I “expect” to happen is different as well.
So what does all that mean for preparing to come home? And how can you, each of you, help?
1) Please understand that readjusting will take time. I will likely be surprised by things you think are absolutely normal (”Oh, that’s right, we don’t recycle those Styrofoam trays under the steak”). I will not know things you thought everybody knew (”When did that happen? Oh, you had a big meeting about that? Last semester?”). I might seem off balance at strange times (perhaps when I first meet someone and am reminding myself not to bow). While I might seem perfectly settled in week 2 or 3, remember that culture shock and reverse culture shock often hit in week 6, when you realize “this really is my life, this is normal.” Or in month 6, when you think “OK, I’m ready to go back now.”
2) Please understand that talking about something else will take time too. All I have done for the past year is live in Korea. While you talk about your vacation, your kids or your job, I will talk about Korea. Everything will relate to Korea because I do not have much else! I will try not to share every story with everyone, and there may even be a stretch where I am tired of talking about Korea (just as you get tired of talking about a pregnancy or a vacation or an illness). But to ask me not to talk about Korea is to ask me to not talk about a year of my life. And to not ask about it is to ignore a year of my life.
3) Please understand that reconnecting will take time, but is exactly what I need to do. I have been very blessed with friends and family who worked hard to keep up with me while I was gone. But I will have a lot of people to catch up with when I get back, while also trying to settle into old routines, a new semester, and “normal” life. So if you are inclined, please make an effort to reconnect - lunch dates, emails, phone calls, office “drop bys”, dinners - whatever works for you. There will be moments when I just need to hide, when settling back in or readjusting is more work than I can handle. Please understand, and try again.
I learned coming here that no matter how much I prepared, life was not what I had expected. It will not be what I expect at home either. But preparing might just make it a little bit easier - for me and everybody else.
June 11, 2008
In the past two weeks, I reached two major milestones in my Korean life. The vast gap between them tells you a lot about my life abroad.
Milestone #1: For the first time in 9 months, I ordered food over the phone and had it delivered to my apartment. I danced for joy when I hung up the phone. Ordering food by phone is actually pretty complicated. You have to know the words for (and pronunciations of) the food, ordering, delivery, and your address. You have no chance to read body language or hand gestures. You also have to field the unexpected questions: Is a 10 minute delay ok? We are really busy. Do you want our special side order? Such small things are really hard when you only have basic language skills!
Milestone #2: For the first time in Korea, I gave a paper at an international conference without translation. The audience had people from a half dozen countries, but the majority were Korean. All understood English, but about half could not speak comfortably in English. Therefore after taking questions in English, I encouraged the audience to ask questions in Korean. Only then did I have the horrible realization- the bilingual conference organizers had left the room to arrange the next panel and no one was available to translate the questions!
So, for three questions in a row, I drew on my minimal knowledge of Korean, bi-cultural knowledge of gender issues, body language, and wonderfully helpful Korean terms in English (like “golden miss” - the Korean term for single women in their 30s with good jobs and no desire to marry). I could not answer the questions in Korean, but I did my best with slow, clear English. Afterward one Korean graduate student shook my hand and said in utter awe (and rather good English), “No foreigner has ever LET me ask a question in Korean before. And you even UNDERSTOOD me!”
Her comment says volumes about the complicated relationship Koreans have with English. She probably COULD have asked a question in English, but she WOULD NOT have. She was not comfortable enough. Just as I probably could have ordered food delivery a few months ago, but I did not want to get half way through my order and realize I had no idea how to say the word “delivery”! Her distinction between my allowing her to ask a question and my understanding her Korean also shows she recognized that allowing the question was about respect, but understanding and answering it was about skill. Out of sheer stubborn pride, I did not tell her I only understood 6 words in her 8 sentence question and I only knew that much because one of my Pyeongtaek University students had asked a similar question during my Race and Gender class. I take my victories however I can get them!
As I expected, now that I have a clue what I am doing, I am headed home. My third milestone was today - I taught my final class in Korea. I will give final exams next week and I leave the country a little earlier than planned on June 22. With luck I will come back to Korea at some point and get to use all this experience. But if not, the learning process was a reward in itself - now I know I was up to the challenge. Besides, ordering food by phone will never feel this good again.
June 5, 2008
During my stay here, I have occasionally tried Korea’s version of western food. It is never quite what I’m expecting. Here are a few brief examples of not quite getting what you expect:
1) Koreans do not usually eat cereal for breakfast so the selections in the local market were limited: Frosted Flakes, Fruit Loops, and Bran flakes - in Green Tea flavor.
2) Lotteria is the Korean McDonald’s. Like western “burger and fries” restaurants, it serves a variety of hamburgers, including some very Korean items like bulgogi burger (marinated beef) and hanwoo burger (using Korean beef). But the regular, ordinary hamburger looks just like its U.S. counterpart except for one detail. Unless you specify, it will come with mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise AND steak sauce.
3) Pizza is very popular in Korea, especially with young people. At my local pizza chain, the basic standard pizza is about $5.00 per pie. It comes with a crisp crust, tomato sauce, mozzarella cheese and…canned corn. At the local Pizza Hut, you can get “Cheese Bite” pizza for about $20. It comes with with spiced chicken and white and brown sauce.
4) Two students thought I might be missing U.S. food so they took me out for spaghetti and sauce. The bowls were huge, the spaghetti perfectly cooked “al dente” and the sauce bright red with chunks of vegetables. It was also achingly sweet and bitingly hot. Clearly sugar and hot pepper paste rivaled the tomatoes as main ingredient!
5) Shaved ice with fruit is a favorite Korean summer treat. Slowly, frozen yogurt is becoming equally popular and one frozen yogurt chain, Red Mango, has now opened branches in California. That chain’s basic “fruit and yogurt” is a mound of frozen yogurt (more tart than in the U.S.) covered with fresh fruit and fruit in syrup. Very much like home. Today I went to a local Pyeongtaek dessert place for “fruit and yogurt”. When my bowl arrived, I so wished I had my camera with me. Picture please: One large bowl with shaved ice, covered in purple syrup. Then a layer of corn flakes and fruit loops. Then three towering twists of vanilla frozen yogurt, studded with banana slices, kiwi, apple and pear. Topped with - cherry tomatoes. It was served with two free slices of white toast - with whipped cream.
After these items, “fusion” restaurants take on a whole new meaning (smile).
June 3, 2008
Living “In Between”
One day last week, I sent two emails one right after the other. The first was to students at Saint Anselm College about their research in the fall. The second was to students at Pyeongtaek University about their midterm this week. Yesterday I received two emails, one right after the other. The first asked, “Could you give a talk in Busan South Korea on May 13th?” The second asked, “Could you give a talk in Manchester NH on July 13th?”
We all live in both the present and the future. Some of us, particularly historians, also spend a lot of time in the past. I feel like all my time right now is spent “in between”.
Anyone who lives abroad with the intention of coming home lives in this “in between” space. You keep up friendships, professional connections, and sometimes a place to live in two different countries. You speak two languages. You negotiate the little things that constantly remind you that you have a dual life.
Last night I was dead tired and just wanted to watch one quick episode of the Muppet show on DVD before bed. But the previous DVD I had watched was Korean. So the computer had to reset my DVD player from Zone 3 (Korea) to Zone 1 (USA). If you do this more than 4 times your DVD locks forever in a certain zone. Since I wanted to be sure to be locked into Zone 1 (my permanent residence) I had to count the number of times I’d done this. It was a lot for a very tired brain to handle (though watching Dr. Teeth and the Electric Slide sing New York State of Mind was worth it.)
Last week I uploaded an Itunes gift card to my account and thought about buying music. It turns out you cannot buy music from Itunes if you have a Korean internet provider. This was also true when I tried to upgrade my spyware program. There is no way to tell the unyielding computer screen, “But I’m American. I have an American credit card. I’m not Korean!”
I recognize that I have made this “in between” feeling worse by spending so much time really trying to understand and live within Korean culture. Some people adapt by simply never leaving the “ex pat bubble” of speaking English, eating American food, and hanging out with Americans. I didn’t want that. Over time, moving back and forth from Korean to American customs (and language) has become much easier and has been totally worth it. But with only two months left here in Korea, I find the balance shifting. While I am still learning about Korea, I find myself missing home (and having to deal with home) more and more.
Many scholars have spent their lives studying “liminal” spaces - spaces in between one thing and another. They claim they are some of the most productive and interesting places in the world - biologically, intellectually, politically. For me, living in the borderland between America and Korea, between where I am and where I was and will be, has been remarkably productive. It is also increasingly unsettling.
[I do not have recent pictures of my in between space. These are of an in betweeen time, the pink and white full spring between bare trees and green ones.]
Add comment April 24, 2008